I was wondering, does anyone know what it’s like? To feel that way, wanting to kill yourself and end all the pain, the hurt.. Depression is always misinterpreted as sadness with problems, stress, etc… No, it’s different. It’s not being overacting or just existing only on the mind like many people used to say but there’s more to it, there’s more to it that you will not understand it fully until you experience it.
Depression is the constant feeling of emptiness, of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to lies. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. It’s like an headache, you will tell yourself it’s temporary and it’ll pass. It’s just another bad day. But it’s not. The problem does not go away. It’s always like these, every single night of tossing and turning, and you have no one to talk to. You struggle to put on a social mask everyday and it starts to costs you more and more. That is why you fall even deeper and that’s when you slowly start to back away from friends and family, sometimes completely shutting them out. All satisfaction is gone. Those little things that used to bring you joy are now worthless. Even the simplest task become painful. That’s the point when you ask yourself, why are you keep trying if nothing makes you happy anymore? All of these makes you feel worse. Days become indistinguishable. Just white noise, heaviness and you feel you’ll never be happy again. You’re ashamed for everything, everything about your life, yourself, everything you’ve done and everything you haven’t. So in the end, you choose to be alone in your comfort zone where no one asks any questions.. The low self esteem and the lack of purpose become unbearable.. You finally realized you cannot go on that way. And two things can happen: you either decided to get help or you might attempt a suicide.
We have different level of sensitivity and tolerance for pain. You clearly have not seen yet what goes in their heads. You don’t know the feeling of how it takes all over your body and you’re no longer in control. That there are two sides of them: one that wants to fight and one that wants to die..
Maybe to others it’s fine but in other people, it’s big deal. So be careful on every action and every words we make because we don’t know how it can affect on someone else life.